“Live from the middle of the hallways!” – Fitz at a Crossroads

Carmel to install holograms of former campus ministry director

At the start of the 2020-2021 school year, Carmel administrators worked diligently to adapt students to the new rules of the hallways.  The biggest change, of course, was the introduction of The Roundabout Model, a system that treats both of the crossroads like a roundabout: students circle around the crossroads until exiting to the right at their hallway of choice.  For some, especially freshmen, the new model brought a safety never before afforded to those attempting to trek across the treacherous sea of arms, Chromebooks, and 6’4″ football players.

“Under the new model, I felt safe,” said one sophomore student who requested to remain anonymous.  “Even before the COVID-19 outbreak, I lived in fear of being tripped or dropping my stuff, but now I can calmly waltz through the crossroads.”

But now, Carmel administration has revealed a new plan for the Crossroads.  A much more permanent installation than the Christmas trees or garbage cans inserted to enforce the new model.

“Carmel is pleased to announce that we will be honoring our former director of campus ministry, Mr. Michael Fitzgibbons, by installing interactive holograms of Fitz in each crossroads,” Carmel president Dr. Brad Bonham said.  “Now, students will be able to follow the roundabout model and also pay homage to a Carmel icon.”

The holograms were developed by having Fitzgibbons record a series of his most iconic catchphrases in front.

“I’m coming to you live, from the middle of the crossroads!!!” one of the holo-Fitzes declares.

From down the 400 hallway, the other Fitz is heard berating students to maintain social distancing.  “Leave six feet for the Holy Spirit!”

But that’s not all.  The holograms are fully interactive and are even programmed to provide directions, so that no student ever gets lost trying to find their class again.

“I really think this will be helpful.  I mean, I don’t really know who this guy is, but at least he, like, helped me get to physics on time,” one freshman declared.

Some students were surprised to find out about the project, and were puzzled as to how Carmel will pay for the high-tech devices.

“Seriously, where did Carmel get the money for this?” one Junior said.  “The HVAC system takes days to switch, but we can afford two robotic Fitzes?”

That mystery too was quickly solved in the latest announcement from the school.

“This year’s Walkathon proceeds will be going directly towards paying for and maintaining our most recent installments, the Fitzgibbons Holograms,” Bonham announced in a news conference.

On the whole, the students are beginning to adjust to the idea of Fitz becoming a permanent fixture in the crossroads.  One group is even preparing the next update, which will have the holograms perform the latest TikTok dances.