Where’s the water?

The Environmental Club investigates after shortages spike around the school

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Dehydrated, thirsty students stagger around the school, not a working water fountain to be found.  Puny streams trickle out, but nothing to quench their thirst.

Where has the water gone? The Intersections staff launched an investigation, hoping to spill the tea of this puzzling predicament.

Research began with the observation that many of Carmel’s staff drinks a lot of coffee multiple times a day. Water is needed to make coffee. Where are they getting this water?

After weeks of research, our staff uncovered the startling information that half of the water supply to the school has been re-routed to faculty and staff coffee makers.

But just how much coffee have the teachers and staff at Carmel Catholic High School been drinking with this stolen water?

Religion teacher Jeff Ptacek has a coffee maker in his classroom and seems to be making it by the pot every 30 minutes. It doesn’t take a scientist to figure out that that’s a lot of coffee. Is he drinking it all himself? Is he making a profit by selling it to other teachers?

“Whenever Carl [Hansel] or I need our hourly coffee fix, we know we can just come to Jeff’s,” fellow religion teacher Mark Plaiss said. “His coffee supply is limitless, like the love of God.”

Some teachers also vibe with fresh coffee accompanied by calming, classical music and baby-soft, stuffed goats. That means the water supply has also been heading to world language teacher Michele Bertaud’s room because of her love for a sweet-smelling caffeine boost. 

Still thirsty for answers, the staff’s investigators headed to the fine arts wing, finding that Director of Mission Effectiveness Kambra French takes her morning cuppa to a spiritual level.  Her office has a whole bar of coffee creamers, sugars, premium mugs, and Jesus-inspired coffee quotes.

“Every morning, I tell myself that all I need is a little coffee and a whole lotta Jesus,” French said.

However, the Intersections staff still couldn’t detect where a majority of the pilfered water going. So they decided to send a poll to teachers to determine just how much coffee is being consumed. After tallying the results, it turns out that science teacher Ray Krawzak and your principal Jason Huther are the key coffee-chugging culprits.

“I see Mr. Huther head to the coffee machine to refill his mug at least 15 times a day,” Assistant Principal for Teaching and Learning Jennifer Burkhalter said.  “He just doesn’t stop.”