A Christmas Story Re-Cast

December 15, 2015

What if popular movies stared Carmel faculty? Who would play each role? Check out who would play the iconic characters in A Christmas Story.

Cast

A_Christmas_Story

Ralphie Parker  

xmas_oldman

Old Man Parker 

A-Christmas-Story-Meme-Randy-031

Randy Parker 

mrs.parker

Mrs. Parker 

flick

Flick 

schwartz

Schwartz 

Scut-Farkus

Scut Farkus 

msshields

Ms. Shields 

grover

Grover Dill 

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Teachers

mr.frankYou’ll shoot your eye out! Mr. Franklin doesn’t want an official Red Ryder Carbine- Action Two-Hundred Shot Range Model Air Rifle. He prefers shooting video for Broadcast Club and banging a thunderous bass. In a deranged bright pink nightmare bunny onesie from Aunt Clara, he’d be rocking the Ralphie look. The resemblance is uncanny!

 

 

Bob_Kuykendall_635701305594267076Mr. Kuykendall receives his major award in this nomination as Old Man Parker. Much like Ralphie’s dad, no-nonsense Mr. K works hard and isn’t afraid to demonstrate his frustration in loud, yet amusing outbursts. We don’t think Mr. K. speaks Italian, but he knows when something is Fra-Gee-Lay.  Carmel’s wrestling coach is our version of the film’s most feared furnace fighter minus the Bumpus hounds!!

 

 

mixaReserved and relaxed Mr. Mixa won’t be face-down in a plate full of mashed potatoes in the cafeteria, but there’s no guarantee that he won’t be all bundled up if winter weather ever arrives this year. Belting out tone deaf carols from the backseat of the family car might just be his secret talent.

 

 

 

meyer

Voted most likely to pull out the dreaded bar of soap if you step out of line, Ms. Meyer is a shoe-in for Ralphie’s mom. We wonder if Ms. Meyer makes her own kids wear weird handmade gifts. When you complain about having to write that essay, she’ll put you in your place, reminding you that there are starving people in China!

 

 

 

donner

We’re slightly breaching etiquette when we skip the triple dare and go straight to the triple-dog-dare, but we challenge you to convince Mr. Donner to stick his tongue to a frozen pole. Mr. Donner says no to the stupid and would never find himself with a bandaged tongue and a wounded ego. It’s Flick’s ferocious loyalty to Ralphie, though, that reminds us of Donner’s dedication to Carmel.

 

 

rankI dare ya, not to agree with me on this one. Mr. Rank has loads of energy and encourages his students to do their best. Tread lightly in his path because he skips goes straight to the “coup de grace of all dares”: the triple dog dare.

 

 

 

 

 

Raymond_Krawzak_635701301769696877In what came to be called the Scut Farkus affair with its sneak attack and lunch money shakedown, the film’s main big bad terrorizes Ralphie. No one would accuse Mr. Krawzak of being the neighborhood bully, but when it comes to  Scut Farkus doppleganger status, Krawzak’s got it in the bag.! Carmel’s kind-hearted Krawzak is just missing the yellow eyes–so help us God, yellow eyes. 

 

 

 

Amy_Coughlin_635696292707331857Poetry, sheer poetry! This is the role Ms. Coughlin has been waiting for all her life! Less stern than Ms. Shields,  Ms. Coughlin’s fantastic teaching and fabulous sense of humor are missed in the English hall, now that she reigns in her fishbowl,  but we can’t help but to compare her to theme-enthusiast Ms. Shields. A+++++ for Ms. Coughlin.

 

 

 

 

schwab“Farkus’s crummy little toadie.” Just like Grover rules the schoolyard, Mr. Schwab rules the classroom with his rock star riffs. Thankfully his dental habits prevent green teeth, which is good. The Dewey Decimal’s lead vocalist needs a bright smile when he’s banging out one of the Ramones greatest hits.

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